Toldot: When the Battle Inside Becomes the Path to Healing

Ever feel like there’s a battle inside you?One part of you wants to grow, pray, and be intentional…and another part of you just wants to check out, indulge, or escape.

You’re not broken.You’re human.And this week’s Torah portion, Parshat Toldot, names that struggle with striking honesty.

Rivkah is pregnant with twins and feels something deeply unsettling happening inside her. The Torah tells us:

“Vayisrotzetzu habanim b’kirbah” — “The children struggled within her.” (Bereishit 25:22)

Rivkah responds with a raw and vulnerable cry:

“Im kein, lama zeh anochi?”“If this is so — then who am I?”

This isn’t just a question of “Why is this happening?”It’s a question of identity.“Who am I when I’m pulled in opposite directions?”“Who am I when I feel torn apart inside?”

And then the Torah says something profoundly instructive:

“Vateilech lidrosh et Hashem”“And she went to inquire of Hashem.”

Rivkah doesn’t shame herself for feeling confused.She doesn’t suppress the conflict.She brings her inner struggle directly to God.

Hashem answers:

“Shnei goyim b’vitneich”“There are two nations inside you.” (25:23)

Rashi teaches that, on the simple level, this refers to Yaakov and Esav — Jacob and Esau — two sons who will become two very different nations.

But the Sfas Emes reveals that this pasuk isn’t only about ancient history.It’s about us.

Those “two nations” live inside every one of us.

We each carry:

• A part that wants holiness, presence, meaning, depth…

• And a part that wants comfort, distraction, immediate gratification, and self-indulgence.

  
  

We rarely feel these inner forces in dramatic ways.We feel them in the micro-moments of our lives.

Like at night, when part of me wants to journal or meditate or read something nourishing…and another part of me just wants to curl up with my iPad and binge a show until I can’t keep my eyes open.

That’s Toldot. That’s “two nations inside you.”Not political nations — human nations. Two impulses, two directions, two potential selves — all inside one nervous system, one heart, one soul.

In IFS, we understand that our parts are always trying to protect us.The “Yaakov part” seeks purpose and connection.The “Esav part” seeks quick relief from overwhelm.Neither part is bad — but one part needs to lead.

Healing happens when our calm, grounded inner Yaakov can turn to Esav and say:“I get why you want to check out — you’re exhausted. But let’s rest in a way that actually restores us.”

That’s not self-denial.It’s self-leadership.

From a Brainspotting perspective, when we locate the tension of these opposing impulses in the body and stay present with it, the brain naturally reorganizes toward integration, not chaos.

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks z”l taught that Judaism doesn’t reject the physical — it sanctifies it. The kol Yaakov — the voice of conscience — is meant to guide the yedei Esav — the hands of action.

The Lubavitcher Rebbe taught that redemption doesn’t happen when Yaakov destroys Esav — it happens when he refines him. When strength serves purpose.

Which brings us to one more layer of this parsha:

Our sages teach that the Second Beis HaMikdash wasn’t destroyed because of foreign armies.It fell because of sinat chinam — baseless hatred, resentment, ego, and unhealed pain between Jews.

And the reason it still hasn’t been rebuilt is because that same spiritual wound still needs healing.

Our inner fragmentation and our national fragmentation mirror each other.

When we soften our harsh protectors, heal old wounds, and let the wiser parts of ourselves lead…we aren’t just healing ourselves —we’re healing the heart of Am Yisrael.

Every quiet act of inner alignment is one quiet act of rebuilding.

ParshaRx:

Don’t fight your conflict — elevate it.Your inner shalom is one more brick in the rebuilding of the Beis HaMikdash and the world.

Shabbat Shalom.

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